The Benefactress

The Benefactress

Or

How To Tell If You Are Old

Vacation was so great and so restful that I climbed aboard the plane for home, happy and energized and without pain.   I am young again!

Upon arriving home, duties and fatigue set in.

My shoulders were aching in spite of having checked my only bag and having jettisoned my carry-on so I could be as free as a bird.
                                                            

                                                                                                                   (Gif Shortener) giphy.com

On land again, reality set in.
The fridge was empty.  Tired or not, I needed to shop.
  

Old age did not totally reappear until I was checking out at Walmart.
I could not find my debit card, having unwittingly left it behind at the gas station.
Dang it.
.  

The line of people behind me at the check-out was getting longer and longer and noodle-like with their bland stares and limp stances.

Yet the woman right behind me in line was a happy camper.
About 35 or so, she was smiling kindly as she watched me fumble.
. 

"I have a goal that I started this year", she said to me.

If she hadn't been so filled with light and bright and good will, I might have said acidly, "Good For You!".
Instead I, being goal oriented myself, said, "Oh."

"Yes", she said.  "My goal is to buy groceries for people."   I looked at her.
Is she rich?                          
If she is rich  what is she doing at Walmart?

"Well, good luck with that goal, " and I turned back to my own dilemma, this time accidently spilling the contents of my purse on the floor and having to bend down to retrieve everything,   

I was old.
I was pathetic.

This woman behind me said with deep respect,
"Wouldn't it be great if somebody paid for all your groceries and you never had to pay for them yourself ever again?"

I just looked up at her kind and smiling face.  I don't multi-task very well anymore but a thought of "that's heaven" flitted through my brain.
But I was busy looking for change to pay for the Arrowhead bottle of water I had half finished.


dailymail.co.uk

A hasty plan was made with the surely new cashier, that my groceries would be "suspended" and held for me to return with my debit card.  

I started walking away without my cart of groceries and the bright young woman ran after me.

 "I'm paying for your groceries so you need to come back and take them."

I started to protest, even argue and she shushed me.
"This would bring so much pleasure to me, how can you deny me?"

So I was lead back to receive my cart by a smiling young woman.
"To whom do I say thank you?" I asked.
She extended her hand for me to shake. "Jen".
"Thank you, Jen."

I walked away,  a person of worth.

When I unloaded my groceries into my car and climbed in, there was my debit card on the seat.

I started to cry.
The tears clued me in that God  had visited me with an earth angel to take away my  feeling of being unequal to the most-favored-people on earth, to let me know I belong because I am His.
I felt honored and loved.
I felt upheld by God.

It was never about the groceries.

And I remembered Pastor's most recent sermon:

"There are those who give of their abundance and there are those who give of their very sustenance."

Pastor's voice became trembly as he tried to describe the feelings he experienced recently in Russia 

when Christians there gave of their very sustenance to sustain him.

There is the giving from abundance that helps make the world go round.
And that is good.

Then there is the giving that defies reason,
         that is even better because the love and honor build you up,
                                    both giver and receiver .

I would thank Jen again, but somehow you can seldom do that for earth angels.
They appear and disappear so rapidly.
So.....thank you, God, for Jen and all other earth angels flitting about our world.



Riverwatch

Miss and Stick

Miss and Stick Talks  ("I know this church is TRUE!")
or 
Memories & Tales of Mormon Sacrament Meetings

Trust me when I tell you that Mormon Sacrament Meetings are by and large, b o r i n g.
Most Mormons will admit that but then some go on to remind you that "Endure to the End" is as much about Sacrament Meeting as about anything.

Since once upon a time I was a Mormon, I should know.  Looking around at the bored people in Mormon Sacrament Meeting, I used to think, "If this is the true church, why are they all so unhappy?  Why do they look so unhappy?  Do they not believe this church is true?"

It is so boring that many activities take place among the audience.
Kids, of course, are eating cheerios and coloring and marking in books, playing with Daddy's car keys, sorting through Mommy's purse.
alphamom.com

Teenage girls are playing with their own long hair,
over and over and over and over running their fingers through their own hair
and tossing their head seductively for the crowd.             








Teenage boys are eyeing the girls and snickering and tossing tiny objects at the unsuspecting.




Old folks are day dreaming or nodding off.

Mom's are writing out their grocery lists,


 or are making multiple trips to the hall way to get a break "for the sake of the babies".

Dad's are stoic.  Usually.  Rarely somebody comes unglued and somebody's kid gets marched out of the Sanctuary in a huff.
There is of course texting from adults and teenagers.

But my all-time favorite activity going on in the crowd was from a teenage girl named Lucy who was so completely bored she wrote a book in Sacrament Meeting!  
My teenage children alerted me to the book activity.  "It is a scream, Mom".

So what was the book about?  A simple log on "testimonies" given at the microphone by speakers.
Once a month there is open microphone for testimony bearing so all the audience gets a chance to be brave and go to the microphone.....
but testimony bearing is a commandment so usually even the assigned talks given by members during any Mormon Sacrament Meeting during the month contain some iota of testimony-bearing.  
           


Lucy was cataloging them all.  Her book was divided by subtitles.

She kept tract of the "testimony of self" (like a selfie) that was mostly a brag.  This was the largest section of the book.  BORING.

The next largest section of the hand written book was the section on testimony on one's own parents: "I was born of goodly parents".....and while that all sounds cool, the  proof of the goodly parents is in the pudding and guess who the pudding is?!  Yep.  another selfie.    BORING.

Lucy had a subsection on testimonies that were sang!!  Only two of those, but teenagers come alert for that kind of surprise warbling  entertainment.   NOT BORING.






There was a section on demanders and haters bearing witness against their own deviant children.  (Before judging those parents harshly, please remember if you don't bear witness against the disobedient, people may think they were actually trained that way by secret acts of parents.)  BASICALLY BORING unless it contains new raw material.

There was a section on testifying that Joseph Smith is a true prophet of God.  Lots of those. BORING, BORING, BORING, BORING, BORING, BORING, BORING, BORING.



Many testimonies by little kids, 

"I know this church is true. I love my mom and dad."   

She recorded whether the mom or dad was standing beside the kid at the microphone, bent over whispering the words to say!  CUTE, BUT MORE BORING THAN CUTE.



There was a sizable section on personal miracles, especially about a son or daughter's miraculous experiences on a "mission currently taking place".

Worth listening to.

                                       

A large section on testifying to ones own pioneer heritage and who all "in authority"or super-important one is related to .  BORING.



A section named:  Travel Logs              

BORING BEYOND BELIEF.





There was also a small section on testimonies of Christ.  NOT BORING BUT BRIEF.

What a book!

***********************

Of course some testimonies do stick to a person, for whatever reason.

I remember two.
Forty -two years of being a Mormon and I remember two testimonies, now that I have been an ex-Mormon for 9 years.

One man who had screwed up so badly he made the local newspaper news, stood up at the microphone and confessed his sins.  I remember not at all what he said, though I do remember he cried as he opened the door on skeletons in the closet and confessed everything, not just the "newsworthy" stuff.
I remember  it was so quiet during his confession you could have heard a pin drop.
That experience taught me two things:

1.  We are strengthened by the confessions of other people's weaknesses.
Thank God we are not the worst screw-ups in the world!

2.  We are all voyeurs into other people's lives because that is how we learn.
Monkey see, monkey do...monkey see, monkey don't do....is the gift of the jungle.  That is how we learn from infancy.

We are honed to look at the lives and antics of others through eons of evolution.
Trust it.  That kind of education  has served us well!









The other testimony I remember was from a woman speaking about her heritage and she cited a "good heritage" and a "bad heritage".......and the "bad heritage testimony" stuck.
Her great-great-aunt had left "the only true church on the face of the earth" and that legacy, that heritage, had affected hundreds who came after her and "they also rejected the only true church on the face of the earth."   I was a young mother when I heard that testimony and for some reason it  "stuck" with me and I wondered about that great-great aunt and how courageous she must have been and why was she being trashed on?

Who knew I would eventually be an old woman who helped others out of Mormonism just by my example!
The thought of my own future legacy was a driving factor in my summoning the courage to exit Mormonism.


Have you thought about what your legacy is going to be?



Thanks for pausing here at this blog,
Riverwatch

Pilgrimage

"....I live my life in growing orbits
which move out over the things of the world.
Perhaps I can never achieve the last,
but that will be my attempt.

I am circling around God,
                                  around the ancient tower,

and I have been circling for a thousand years,

and I still don't know if I am a falcon,
                                                 or a storm,
                                                        or a great song....."
                              by Ranier M. Rilke





I'm having a good time, 
and I hope you are having a good time, too.

Riverwatch  

Thank the youth kindly.......they are pitiably weak against age.

We must not dismiss ourselves just because we are old!  

It is a fact that old age and treachery will overcome youth and skill every time.

From T.E. Lawrence (as in Lawrence, of Arabia, who achieved great things in war as a young man):

“We were fond together because of the sweep of open places, the taste of wide winds, the sunlight, and the hopes in which we worked. 

The morning freshness of the world-to-be intoxicated us. 

We were wrought up with ideas inexpressible and vaporous, but to be fought for. 

We lived many lives in those whirling campaigns, never sparing ourselves: 

yet when we achieved and the new world dawned, the old men came out again and took our victory to remake in the likeness of the former world they knew. 

Youth could win, but had not learned to keep, and was pitiably weak against age. 

We stammered that we had worked for a new heaven and a new earth, and they thanked us kindly and made their peace.” 

― T.E. Lawrence, Seven Pillars of Wisdom: A Triumph

                                    icollector.com

Of course there is little or no appreciation for our awesome treachery when we are old, 

but power is power.

And power feels good.

Thank you for showing up to visit.

It means a lot to me,

Riverwatch


     

birdsbeesberriesblooms.blogspot.com

Amazing Auntie, Age 97

So........longevity runs in my family.

I think that is a good thing.  Probably.

Do we languish on the vine for ages and then die?

I don't think so.  I think we go kicking and screaming.  Maybe a little demented
 ( the nice ones) but a lot of us just plow on as though we know what we are doing.  Occasionally telling other people what we think of them.

Active.  We stay active.

Which brings me to Auntie.

She is one of our favorites and so my brother has flown 2000 miles to be with her on her 97th birthday.

My brother calls me.  Impressed.

(Just like another of my brothers called me on Auntie's 80th birthday.  Impressed.  Because Auntie showed the crowd she could stand on her head.  She stood on her head at age 80.)  

I am not going to tell you what I think of an 80 year old who would risk her brain and neck for the crowd!  I know she is not demented, but I certainly question her judgement.  

Hey, my own judgement has moved left of "real smart" lately.  

I am frightened.

What if I lose it and try standing on my head at age 80??

My brother, who is with my auntie as I write, is so impressed.

He is staying in her home during the visit and the upstairs bedrooms are stuffy so he asked if she had a fan he could use.

 (It is muggy back east and we here on the desert , dried out and off by the sun and hot wind, do not do well with dripping perspiration.)

Oh, sure.  There is a fan stored in the upstairs hallway closet.

A half hour later he trudges up the stairs and as he goes to the hallway closet he bumps into Auntie getting the fan for him.

He is shocked.

"Auntie, what are you doing up here?  It has only been 5 months since you got your new hip!  What are you doing?"

"I can climb the stairs!" she retorts.  "It hurts like hell, but I have a new hip.  I can climb the stairs."

My brother is shocked and impressed so he calls me to report on Amazing Auntie.

I remember asking Auntie a few years ago how she managed to be so amazing.

She said, "Well, I never feel like getting out of bed.  But I get up anyway.

I sit on a chair and I don't feel like doing anything.  I just want to sit on the chair and stare.  But I stand up anyway and make myself a little something to eat.

I want to sit back down and do nothing.  There is nothing I want to do.  But I go out to the garden anyway and garden.

There is work to be done.  I might as well make myself useful."

See how fun aging is!

Thanks for dropping in on our family dramas.

Riverwatch

PS  Do you suppose longevity is a sign of poor judgement?  

It can't be a result of excellent health!  You've read what centenarians ascribe their "living to be 100" is a result of, haven't you?   

"Oh, I quit smoking last year."  

"Oh, I never eat anything but meat."   

"Oh, I eat whatever I want."  

"Oh, I don't believe going to the doctor helps anything."  

What's Their Secret?

Scientific explanations for longevity remain elusive. Researchers studying centenarians agree: there is no specific pattern.  

There appears to be a connection between your longevity and the age your mother gave birth.   Researchers at the University of Chicago Center on Aging found that if your mother was under age 25 when you were born, your chances of reaching age 100 are twice as high as for someone whose mother was older than 25. 

. According to Israeli physician Nir Barzilai of the Institute for Aging Research at Albert Einstein College of Medicine in New York:

"There is no pattern. The usual recommendations for a healthy life—not smoking, not drinking, plenty of exercise, a well-balanced diet, keeping your weight down—they apply to us average people. But not to them. Centenarians are in a class of their own."

Based on years of data from studying centenarians, Barzilai reports that when analyzing the data from his particular pool of centenarians, at age 70:  

37 % were overweight

8 % were obese

37 % were smokers for an average of 31 years

44 % reported only moderate exercise

20 % never exercised at all

Here is Riverwatch's assessment:      

The reason the ancient ones live so long is their willingness to haul out and continue being slaves!  

That's why there are more old women than old men. 

That's why men can't help thinking they are smarter than us women. 

Science still touts exercise and nutrition as key elements......theorectically.

Yet most scientists don't live to be 100 or beyond!

Look around at the "scientific effort" those ancient ones put into living long.  

NONE!  

You just see that they are people who "haul out" at some core level to continue with the slavery bit.

Even if in a wheel chair, they reach out to serve YOU the cookie, to pass YOU the glass of punch.

They are into YOU.
Good judgement.  Poor judgement.  It doesn't matter.
Your slave is still living in order to ...well, to slave.



collegehumor.com

Blood Moon

Apocalypse

Old, and learning new vocabulary, I am.

Apocalypse.

My pastor said, “I don't think that word means what you think it means.”

and he unveiled the definition: “ an unveiling of information”.

What!??!!!!?????

Apocalypse doesn't mean the end of the world!!!!!

My gosh, I am so disappointed!

Of course I had already discovered this group of church people are not like the other group of church people I was once so familiar with.

Nobody is teaching disaster classes.

No emergency preparedness classes.

Nobody is storing food, guns, ammunition.

I am so disappointed!

A religious/political focus on disaster & apocalypse fit right into my world view!

A belief system is vitally significant because our belief systems guide our behaviors.                           That is true.  I read it on the internet.

And here is the key to a belief system:                                                                                                 one cannot believe anything outside of one's own world view.

Naturally, being a child raised by armed lunatics, I would have a rebel world view where anything can happen and in the twinkling of an eye!
Be alert, hyper alert.                                                                                                                               Be prepared!!

I was a sitting duck for the religious zealots.

That's one of the things that I liked (like) about my former religion:  all that focus on disaster that fits right into my own special world view!

If you look closely at this picture, you will notice some things:
two spoons............. to feed the world
a tube...................... to siphon off your gasoline
a swiss army knife that will not be given away like the shirt off  one's back.

It's a me kit.  Well, maybe me and thee.   Maybe.
I know what I'm talking about.
I have one of these.

"But I have to save myself in order to save you!"
"Please step away!  You are standing on my oxygen tube!"




I am now surrounded by a different group of people who are changing my world view with their love and fellowship and their propensity to share food, not store it.

Grace.

They role model grace.



Come to the table.  It is an open table.

You are invited to the open table, not because of what you are but because of who you are.
You are you and you are loved by God.

Did you hear a year or so ago where everybody in America was getting tired of hearing about the apocalypse?

I think it had to do with “overload”.

But then that string of Blood Moons started showing up!!
Re-focus!  Re-focus!

At the end of 2013, well, actually in October of 2013, I quit cataloguing the disasters in our world.
 It just became overwhelming, the number and variety of such.

I think I will have to ask my pastor about Armageddon.
 What does that word mean?

Still keeping an eye on disasters,
just not documenting them in columns.

I am grateful you visited.

Riverwatch

PS  I can't tell you how important Vocabulary is.  The other day my teenage grandson told me he wants to lose weight, so he has gone on a diet. 

 "So what's your diet like?"

"Well", he said, "now when I want toast, I never have a pair of toast.  Just one."

Old and still learning.

Now I want a pair of toast to go with my coffee!

Aging. It's a good thing.

                                                            flickrhivemind.net
                                                   




Childhood.

Our childhood viewed from the vantage point of age.
pinterest.com




Sweet charm is thrown around all we said
                                                                  and all we did back then.

Charm such as never belonged 
to commonplace children of earth.


faithit.com



picssr.com


boloji.com






blog.slide.ly

                                                       pinterest.com








Even the fireflies moved on,
and so must we.
Hoping you enjoyed this brief magical moment,
Riverwatch

Holding Hands

The Quiet Walk

I am a walker.

Once upon a time I was a hiker.  That was good.

Then I became a brisk walker.  That was good also.

Now I am a walker.  A grateful walker.

Sometimes I worry about a day arriving when my legs give out on me.  I hope that doesn't happen, but this is the time of life when we discover that life is fluid and our best option is to go with the flow.

Or as some people say, "It is what it is."  We could add, "It was what it was."

But being a nurse and all, I can tell you not every old person loses mobility.
The "ambulatory confused" are not myths!  I have chased many of them.  Down hallways & out doors!  Don't ever underestimate the confused.

And we all know there are centenarians who put their younger relatives to shame!

But for some of us, we just walk, impressing no one but ourselves.

So....now I walk alone a lot (fussy about my speed and schedule & control over when to quit).

Over a few years I have observed many couples on the trails, men and women out for a brisk walk or stroll.  It is funny watching the rapidly moving mouths of the women and the "maintaining focus, maintaining focus" grimace of the guys.
I notice because I have raised sons.....and they have sensitized me to the plight of men in the presence of verbal women.

My gosh, they get tired of listening to us.

I used to think when my sons got mad at their wives they would run to Mom and chat....what a joke!  The last thing they want is more female verbalization.  When they are mad at their wives , they are SICK OF WOMEN!!!!  They can't take the motor mouths anymore!!  They  have used up their 400 words a day and they want a rest from the people-of-a-thousand-words.

So over the years, I have noticed that sometimes I see a couple or two out on the trail walking where there is no running gauntlet of words.....just warm & silent companionship.

No, it is not an age thing.

It is a Male Brilliance thing.....for he has learned to shut her up by holding her hand.

Always.  100% of the time, the quiet walk between a man and a woman seems to be accompanied by the man holding her hand.
gbs.stanford.edu

nydailynews.com


Life is good,
Riverwatch

"I may have raised your mommy wrong."

 "I may have raised your mommy wrong."


STAYING OVERNIGHT AT GRANDMA'S HOUSE




1.  You may eat whatever the hell you want, whenever the hell you want.








huffingtonpost.ca   tumblr





2.  You don't tattle on me to your mom and I don't tattle on you to your mom. (I'll only rat on you if you've gone missing.  You could possibly tell her if I wander off and don't return in a timely manner.)


http://teebreeze.com/new/fun/telegrams/


3.  Electronics will be limited to 24 hours a day.
No more than 24 hours!
Oh, yes.  Next day will be a new 24 hour limit.
I may spray water on you ever hour or so to make sure you move and get the blood flowing.  Not to worry.  I will be careful not to get the electronics wet. Only you.  And your friends.


4.  Unlike your mother, Grandma is, in fact, a maid.
wonderfulmachine.com


5.  Good manners are mandatory.  Unless you're preoccupied watching something you're not allowed to watch at home, in which case no acknowlegement is necessary.



6.  None of that "But all the nutrients are in the crust" bullsh*t.  It'll be cut off without your even having to ask.
tablespoon.com

And nobody will say "Waste not, want not," because that phrase does not make sense!                   Nobody wastes what he/she wants........and not wasting what we don't want does not produce stellar results in a throw-away society!!
Recycle is a better expression."

"Are you even listening to me?!   ONE!  TWO!!  THREE!! !  EYES- ON - ME!!!"


stmarysinthehills.org

"Toss those crusts out to the birds!!"


7.  By "milk" Grandma assumes you mean "chocolate milk".

8.  If you go to the store with Grandma, you will get a toy.  A good toy.



9.  Fudgesicles are excellent for breakfast. Dairy.    en.paperblog.com
                                                                           


10.  In general, anything your mommy would have NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS BEEN ALLOWED TO DO AS A CHILD,  is perfectly acceptable.






Thanks for your visit,
Riverwatch

No Parent Left Behind

No Parent Left Behind

"I know you are appreciative that you don't teach at a west-side school where guardians, foster parents, grandparents, let alone an occasional parent seldom show up for Back-to-School night. 

This is a east-side school!  Here you are no longer teachers!!  You are clerks at Nordstrom.  When all those snobby parents show up tonight, kiss ass!"

                                                                  Ryan, PhD

                                                                  Principal

Dedicated to the Utah Legislature

Blue-Emu

When my sister caught a sick raccoon and she and my brother nursed him back to health, I steered clear.

Oh, once I took a little candy out to his cage and made sure he knew I sort of loved him.

Being offish about animals, I was not a suspect in his death. 

He died with traces of the candy bar still in his cage. 

“Who done it?” was never discerned.

See?  Traces of love often lurk beneath “offish”, but no busy person has room for that search.

I had no real interest in nursing animals. 

Or people, for that matter!

Yet I grew up and really did become an awesome nurse, even though I was “offish” about the whole nursing scenario.

How did that happen?

My mom with her romantic view of what it would be like to be a nurse shoved me into her dream.

“But I want to be a school teacher!”

"Your scholarship is to nursing. Stop making a fuss."  Mom secured me the scholarship and you haven't lived until a parent secures a scholarship for you!

My awesomeness as a nurse was because of one thing: I prayed before entering any clinical arena and always prayed for every critically ill patient I took care of. I knew I wasn't really a nurse, but a school teacher masquerading as someone who wasn't “offish”.

I needed God desperately. And He worked miracles on behalf of my patients.

If you are good enough, nobody ever believes you do not love what you are doing!

Naturally because of my experience I see other people as actors and actresses and wonder what lies beneath! Even if you are excellent at what you do, I still wonder about you. Is that the real you?? Or are you living someone else's dream?

Being a school teacher at heart, and a nurse by profession, I am “into” passing on the word about meds.

Which brings me to Blue-Emu.

If you are old, I suspect you are hurting.

They now know it hurts when we are children, growing and stretching a body.

And it hurts when the body is withering and crumbling!

Which brings me to Blue-Emu.

I had heard Blue-Emu was a miracle topical ointment, but I don't believe in miracle cures from mankind. Heck, I am the skeptical nurse who barely believes in vaccinations!

Yet desperation made me do it.

I picked up the expensive jar of Blue-Emu and decided to try it. I do believe in topicals. My skin is absorbent and I bet yours is, too.

Blue-Emu. It is all it says it is. Yes. I put it on my hands and the pain and swelling are decreased.

No, I don't have to wash it off before handling food.

Yes, it softens my skin beautifully!

Yes, it decreases the pain in my feet!

Yes, it softens the skin on my feet. In fact, I am awed.

Blue-Emu is my new best friend.

It is worth every dime I have spent on it.

Thanks for listening,

Riverwatch, RN