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Saturday, February 11, 2017

"Everything is not about you, Mom."

Family breakfasts here at my "down on the farm" home in the middle of suburbia are nothing like the "Pioneer Woman's" TV show.

But it will do.

Since my daughter-in-law is too busy reading scriptures about how to build family relationships, she doesn't have time to build family relationships.
It is just my son and his kids.
Sometimes other cousins and attached adults.
Mostly just my son and his kids.

I cook.  He serves and he serves without thought.  He is used to serving meals to his children.  I am grieved that he is so......used.  My daughter jumps all over me.  "Mom!  This is a GOOD thing, not a bad thing. What is wrong with you!!"
"I have low self-esteem", I mumble quietly, almost incoherently.
Aloud I say strongly, "I wish he had a wife who was on deck!"

"Why?", comes the acid rejoinder.
See, my daughter just went through a "WE ARE BOTH ON THE SAME PAGE" dissolution of her 28 yr marriage.
"Relationships are too much damn work!" she exclaims.
She seems acidic for someone who has just had an "amicable" divorce and when I recover my self-esteem I am going to tell her so.

Flappin' family  fragments, but it will do.

Finished with the cookin' and the servin', my son and I have a chance to sit and chat.
His goal is to sit and relax.
My goal is to sit and chat with an adult man.

He speaks of scouting.  He is ambivalent about his boy and scouts.  "If it were just about a bunch of boys camping, I  would feel differently.  It is just so messed up.  And he doesn't want to go.  I don't believe in making people be religious or making people have fun.  His mother makes him go."

Suddenly I picture my daughter-in-law sitting in their home ALONE with the drapes drawn while she studies scriptures.
Actually that might not be the worst way to spend your motherhood time.
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Probably not state of the art mothering.  But it will do.  Don't forget to lock the door.

I probe about the scout dilemma.  "Is it the gay issue?"
"NO! Gosh. You are sounding self-righteous again."
I am stunned.  I don't know whether I am more stunned by "self-righteous" or "again".
Later I whine to my daughter about this unwarranted attack and she says, acidly, "Oh get over it Mom.  Everything is not about you!  He is having a hard time.  Let it go."

But for the moment I am distracted by my son's opinion of me and so I change the subject.
"Your children sure live in a different world these days."
"Yes.  My children are going to be faced with the Fast Food of Relationships."
"Say, what ?"
"My generation had Fast Food to destroy our health.  It was such an easy solution to a difficult dilemma of getting food in a busy world.  We all know Fast Food isn't good for you, but it will do when you are hungry.  Long range destruction to your health and well-being, but an easy solution to a challenging problem.  We are learning to stay away from Fast Food.
But my children will grow up into a world of Fast Food of Relationships, acceptable porn and sex robots, bypassing the challenge of developing real relationships.  It will not be as good as love. But it  will do.  And it will destroy health and well being as surely as Fast Food.  In fact it will be devastating.   I grieve for what my children will face."

He and I munch silently on our bacon.  He has figured out I am not as smart, (excuse me, he said EDUCATED) as he is.  I am wondering if he is as smart as he knows he is.
Yeh, I'm the one who bought the bacon.  I, a nurse, know it is not a wise choice, but it will do on a rainy day down on the farm.

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Thanks for raising my self-esteem by visiting because the  bacon didn't do it,

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