"Everything is not about you, Mom."

Family breakfasts here at my "down on the farm" home in the middle of suburbia are nothing like the "Pioneer Woman's" TV show.

But it will do.

Since my daughter-in-law is too busy reading scriptures about how to build family relationships, she doesn't have time to build family relationships.
It is just my son and his kids.
Sometimes other cousins and attached adults.
Mostly just my son and his kids.

I cook.  He serves and he serves without thought.  He is used to serving meals to his children.  I am grieved that he is so......used.  My daughter jumps all over me.  "Mom!  This is a GOOD thing, not a bad thing. What is wrong with you!!"
"I have low self-esteem", I mumble quietly, almost incoherently.
Aloud I say strongly, "I wish he had a wife who was on deck!"

"Why?", comes the acid rejoinder.
See, my daughter just went through a "WE ARE BOTH ON THE SAME PAGE" dissolution of her 28 yr marriage.
"Relationships are too much damn work!" she exclaims.
She seems acidic for someone who has just had an "amicable" divorce and when I recover my self-esteem I am going to tell her so.


Flappin' family  fragments, but it will do.



Finished with the cookin' and the servin', my son and I have a chance to sit and chat.
His goal is to sit and relax.
My goal is to sit and chat with an adult man.

He speaks of scouting.  He is ambivalent about his boy and scouts.  "If it were just about a bunch of boys camping, I  would feel differently.  It is just so messed up.  And he doesn't want to go.  I don't believe in making people be religious or making people have fun.  His mother makes him go."

Suddenly I picture my daughter-in-law sitting in their home ALONE with the drapes drawn while she studies scriptures.
Actually that might not be the worst way to spend your motherhood time.
photobucket

Probably not state of the art mothering.  But it will do.  Don't forget to lock the door.

I probe about the scout dilemma.  "Is it the gay issue?"
"NO! Gosh. You are sounding self-righteous again."
I am stunned.  I don't know whether I am more stunned by "self-righteous" or "again".
Later I whine to my daughter about this unwarranted attack and she says, acidly, "Oh get over it Mom.  Everything is not about you!  He is having a hard time.  Let it go."

But for the moment I am distracted by my son's opinion of me and so I change the subject.
"Your children sure live in a different world these days."
"Yes.  My children are going to be faced with the Fast Food of Relationships."
"Say, what ?"
"My generation had Fast Food to destroy our health.  It was such an easy solution to a difficult dilemma of getting food in a busy world.  We all know Fast Food isn't good for you, but it will do when you are hungry.  Long range destruction to your health and well-being, but an easy solution to a challenging problem.  We are learning to stay away from Fast Food.
But my children will grow up into a world of Fast Food of Relationships, acceptable porn and sex robots, bypassing the challenge of developing real relationships.  It will not be as good as love. But it  will do.  And it will destroy health and well being as surely as Fast Food.  In fact it will be devastating.   I grieve for what my children will face."







He and I munch silently on our bacon.  He has figured out I am not as smart, (excuse me, he said EDUCATED) as he is.  I am wondering if he is as smart as he knows he is.
Yeh, I'm the one who bought the bacon.  I, a nurse, know it is not a wise choice, but it will do on a rainy day down on the farm.



chi nese.com






Thanks for raising my self-esteem by visiting because the  bacon didn't do it,
Riverwatch

pinterest                

                                                                                                  The Odyssey On-line

Parenting is a style.

I love this post about the power of love.

*

Absentee  Parent

Was she really gone?  

Is Mommy never coming back?

She said she was coming back. 

IS  she coming back?

When?

She doesn't love me!

She said she loved me.  That she loved us all.

She said she was coming back.

She hasn't come back!  She's never coming back.

When is she coming back?

She left because I am bad, didn't she?  
I'm sorry, Mommy.  
Forgive me, Mommy.

That is how it went for my father.

And then, one fine day, after "the village" had finished rearing her kids with their broken hearts, my father's mother showed up, just like she said she would.

The "second coming" had actually happened, just like she said it would.

She Was Adored !!!!!!!

foxbusiness.com

All her sons adored her.
They basked in her love, her steadiness!
Hearts were mended, sinews were put back together.

Her daughters-in-law hated her.
After all, it was a "first coming" for them.

irishtimes.com

But her sons adored her and needed her presence to heal.

   She did love them, after all!!

They bowed and scraped to her the rest of their lives.

Not one of them went into therapy.
(How can you whine about the village vintage bits who raised you a bit here and a bit there?  Or a mother who reappears?)

Some of my kids, on the other hand, with their zealous mommy, have taken a stint or two through therapy chairs.  I kid you not.

It is so vexing to be protected, guided, fed properly and managed !

Someone making you brush your teeth or do your homework is obviously the crucible.

Screaming "Shut UP!" to boisterous loud kids is NOT COOL!  I get that.
After all, it is your fault they were born, your fault they are nervous, your fault they are genetically flawed.
 And guess what.  You are the one who has taught them to be loud.

*

I cannot help but think about God, sometimes, when I think about my reappearing Granny, adored by her grown sons.  

That might sound offensive, since Granny was obviously grievously flawed........

but don't some people feel abandoned by God?

Don't  some people not even believe in Him?

How could He leave us alone to rely on the village persons (who may not even LIKE us) for help when we need help?

He does answer prayers.........but you gotta  have your eyes open and your ears open to see and hear.

He is NOT micro-managing us.

When He comes again, as He has promised, our broken hearts will be mended,
     we will adore Him,
          for we will realize we really are and have been loved.

We will not need therapy.

He made us.

He allows us.

  

Looking forward to the Second Coming,

....already dreading Mother's Day and it is only February,

Riverwatch

There are no locks on the gates of hell.

The Good News
There are no locks on the gates of hell.

btoindia.com

Jesus asked which one of us, having one of our children ask for a piece of bread, would give him a stone?  
albrooke.com
We would give bread, of course, and God is greater than we.  No stones for us, he said.

So why do we think the New Testament scribe got it right about the assignment to hell for the wicked? Doesn't really go with the "Bread, Not Stones" story, does it?

And by the way, what is hell, anyway.  Is it really fire, or just the absence of love, the absence of God?  

Which one of us would throw our little kids into hell (whether fire or dark aloneness) and throw away the key?  

We wouldn't even do that to a rude and unappreciative teenager.  Not forever.




There are no locks on the gates of hell. 
Hell is a temporary place and there is no reason to suffer there forever.

Hell is a place of suffering.  

abouna.org
No, this is not the Hereafter.  This is the Here and Now.  This is Aleppo, Earth




Have you ever been to hell?  

I have been to hell and back.   I didn't have to leave earth to do it.                                                                                                I didn't have to reject God to go there.
All I had to do was find my husband in bed with another woman.

Oh, that's right.  I CREATE hell!

"Hell" is a vivid imagery meant to scare people into submission.  Not into growth.  Into submission.  
Hell is about POWER.  I don't think Jesus was into WORLDLY POWER.  Some of his followers wanted him to be into power.
 "My kingdom is not of this world", he told them. 

I reject the dogma of hell while admitting that hell exits.  

Thanks for visiting here, 
Riverwatch

PS  I think we can do a lot to end hell, or at least not create hell.
There are no locks on the gates of hell.

Unfettered Faith

Well, I am old and still trying to figure life out.

I love what my daughter once told me when she was a teenager.  "Mom, it scares me to think about life."
"Really?  Why?"
"Because life is so strange it blows my mind away and the only thing stranger than life is no life.  I don't like to think about these things!"

Well, that's one reason we all keep busy.

I have lately busied myself reading on-line from a couple of volumes  of "History of the Reformation of the Sixteenth Century"
by d Aubigne'.

                                    commons.wikimedia.org

It was published in 1845 and that was the main reason I wanted to read it.....or should I say read at it.
Old books fascinate me as I think of the long-departed author and the world of yesteryear.

I did find some interesting thoughts embedded in the work and so I share the following about full liberty of faith, but paraphrased:

Unity in diversity and diversity in unity, is a law of nature as well as of the Church.

*

We are about to contemplate the diversities, or, as they have been called, the variations of the Reformation. 
These diversities are one of its most essential characteristics.

*

Truth is like the light of the sun: it descends from heaven one and ever the same; and yet it assumes different colours upon earth, according to the objects on which it falls.

How dull would creation be if this boundless variety of forms and colours, which gives it beauty, were replaced by an absolute uniformity!
imagico.com



But how melancholy also would be its appearance, if all created beings did not form a magnificent unity!

Divine unity has its rights, so also has human diversity.

In religion we must suppress neither God nor man.

If you have not unity, your religion is not of God; if you have not diversity, the religion is not of man; but it ought to be of both.



Would you erase from creation one of the laws that God himself has imposed on it,—that of infinite diversity?[221] 

Well, that is what this history said. 




Thanks for sharing this moment with me, 
Riverwatch

Stand up and live long.

Standing up may be the best best best thing we can do for our DNA health!
It may be even better than exercise for lengthening those DNA telomeres (those stringy thingies at the end of each cell) that contribute to longevity!.

In other words, sitting for hours at the computer or TV and then getting up and exercising does not produce the same anti-aging results as not sitting down to begin with!




Longevity runs in my family  and as I.... SIT.... here I am wondering about those old family members and if they exercise/exercised or not.   Hum.




I don't think anybody in my family has been or is an exercise nut.
Well, nut, yes.
Exercise nut, probably not.

However, the oldies are not/were not "sitters".  On their feet a lot, they were/are.
                                                                          

Let the young people sit.  We stand!








Most of us in my family are a bunch of nervous ninnies.
That will keep you upright!
That will keep you from being sedentary!

I long ago figured out that sedentary is a result of a relaxed nervous system!



Too relaxed?  Hang onto a pole if you must, but keep yourself upright.






Nauseated.
Dizzy.
Do not sit down!  Hang on.                                                             





Check out why you shouldn't be sitting around reading and writing.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/science-news/11073662/How-standing-might-be-the-best-anti-ageing-technique.html



PS  I am going to fix my computer on a high top, so I can stand!
   

Glad you visited,
Riverwatch






PS   I cannot stress this enough.  Sitting is NOT a good idea.
                                 



          

Powder Puffs

Powder puffs?  

Not in Sweden, the pioneer in Women's Rights.

Sweden’s climate minister Isabella Lövin tweeted this photo seemingly parodying one that went viral purporting to be of Trump signing the abortion global gag rule. Photograph: Isabella Lövin

theguardian.com







Oh, is our president giving us so much fodder to work with!!
In fact, not just "us", he is giving the whole world so much fodder to work with.




It could be worse.  We could be bored.

Yahoo

Later,
Riverwatch

"I would have to pay for it."

Janice is an uplifting and edifying person in my life.  In her early 60's, she still works full time as a nurse.
Several years ago she had a battle with cancer for her very life.  It took 5 years to win the battle, but win it she did!
That battle refined her greatness and she really is inspirational.

What is NOT inspirational is the dilemma of the cost of medical follow-up to be vigilant against a possible unexpected return of the cancer.

"No", she said.  "I don't have those follow-up tests.  I would have to pay for them and they cost money."

Janice is insured.  She is a working woman, a nurse, a single woman.
But her insurance is like so many insurances:  it has gaps and holes that need filled in by the patient.

My insurance, on the other hand, while expensive, covers me completely.
No out-of-pocket expenses.

It is easy to forget that there are so many others whose lack of insurance coverage puts their lives at risk.

Do I know the answer to this dilemma in America?
No, I do not.

I stand and gaze out my window wondering about my friend Janice.


I think of my ancestors, all uninsured.
What were their lives like?
Several, maybe many, died young.
It was a tough world back then.

It is a tough world today.

Lest we forget, take time to gaze out your window and think of Janice, or imagine yourself as uninsured.

AfricanAmerica.org

                                                                    Riesenbach





Thank you for your attention.
I appreciate your visit to my blog,
Riverwatch

Women's Rights

Click below to see a photo of the age old rearing of power against women.


www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2017/jan/24/photo-trump-womens-rights-protest-reproductive-abortion-developing-contries


This is not about love for the unborn child.

This is about power.

Hey!  I know!  Build a wall!



A wall is a small minded solution to a large problem.
Will our legacy to humanity be the Great Wall of America?

It ain't fittin'.  It just ain't fittin'.







I appreciate your visit.

Riverwatch.................For Women's Rights
                                         For Immigration Sanity
                                                 For Building Bridges

pinterest.com

"I apologize to all of you."

The genteel are always ready with that soft apology that  oils the skids of the social harmony sled through life and I knew Jill was genteel from the moment I met her.



I also knew she was old.


What I did not know was that she was so close to 100 years old she could almost touch it with her stretched out arm!
100 coming right up!




Jill has moved here to our town to be close to her one and only son.

"The hardest decision I have ever had to make.  I did know it would not be fair to my son and his wife if I decided to stay in the midwest when he lives out here in the west.  I did not want to come.
I had to sell my beautiful home I've had for decades.  And I had to leave my friends.  Well, most of them have died, but my memories are there."




Her son, James, has driven her to our meeting place because she does not drive anymore.
 She voluntarily gave up her license when she realized she was no longer a safe driver.
Bright.  She is very very bright.

She passed around candy to our group, announcing she is  turning 97 tomorrow.
We are appropriately stunned!
And she smiles.

We are not a bad group.
We accept candy from strangers as long as they are old.



But what came next staggered me, surprised us all.


Jill softly said, "I apologize to all of you for living to be this old."





We really are shocked.

Looking at our expressions she said, defending her stance,
"I see how young people look at me!! They can't understand why I am still here........... and neither can I.






       

     



 "I used to do so much!  I volunteered!  Now.....nothing.  I do nothing."



"Consider the lilies of the valley how they grow.  They do not toil.  Neither do they spin.  Yet I tell you, Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these."

Well, here in America, we don't care much for the "useless".  We are the nation with the highest productivity in the world.
Toilers and spinners we are.
Arraying ourselves, we do.
Our work ethic is so strong here in America that if we have a bad job, we have a bad life!!!

We are not prepared for retirement.

We are not prepared for "being".

We are succored, trained and prepared for doing.

I guess bringing bits of candy to strangers is nothing.  It seemed like something, but perhaps I am just easily impressed with candy.
I guess confessing ones heartfelt feelings of worthlessness means nothing.  It seemed like something, but maybe I am living an impoverished life and a little thing seems like a biggee.

We nibble Jill's candy and try not to admit out loud how completely she hit the nail on the head.


May she live to be 100 plus!


May she learn the beauty of laying on a flat rock here in the desert and baking under the sun, doing nothing but becoming acquainted with lizzards and other little creatures of God.





May Jill and the rest of us learn to appreciate the beauty and value of just "being".



                                                             




Thank you for sharing this moment with me,
Riverwatch

Fear not.

Fear Not

Don't we all, as we relentlessly age,   worry just a little about maybe becoming demented?  

In fact, don't we all just see at least a few little signs it might be headed our way?

 No?
Well you are certainly different than most of us!

And  for those of us with crazies in our family tree, 
we are from time to time 
also terrified of going insane!

I  have actually been told I'm crazy.  But he ended up as my ex-husband, so who's the crazy one now!
I had an almost instant improvement in my mental health as he sped away in our only car with his new girlfriend.

Still and all, my mom once lambasted me with my genetic similarity to struggling brains on our family tree! 

But then, maybe she was nuts that day.

                                                         

In fact, in my family we spend a lot of time trying to sort the sane from the insane and it is not as easy as you might think!  

               

It's a slippery slope in my family.  
Looks can be deceiving.

So imagine my delight in finding this bit of wisdom from Charles Dickens when he, one sleepless night, found himself outside Bethlehem Hospital in London, a typical Victorian insane asylum more commonly known as Bedlam:

now-hear-this.timeout.com

Are not the sane and the insane equal at night as the sane lie a-dreaming?

Are not all of us outside this hospital, who dream, more or less in the condition of those inside it, every night of our lives?

Are we not with kings and queens, emperors and empresses, and notabilities of all sorts?  Do we not nightly jumble events and personages and times and places, as these do daily?  Are we not sometimes troubled by our own sleeping inconsistencies: and do we not vexedly try to account for them or excuse them, just as these do sometimes in respect of their waking delusions?

Said an afflicted man to me, when I was last in a hospital like this, "Sir, I can frequently fly."

I was half ashamed to reflect that so could I--by night.

Said a woman to me on the same occasion, "Queen Victoria frequently comes to dine with me, and her Majesty and I dine off peaches and macaroni in our night-gowns and his Royal Highness the Prince Consort does us the honour to make a third on horseback in a Field-Marshal's uniform." 

Could I refrain from reddening with consciousness when I remembered the amazing royal parties I myself had given (at night), the unaccountable viands I had put on table, and my extraordinary manner of conducting myself on those distinguished occasions?

I wonder that the great master who knew everything, when he called Sleep the death of each day's life, did not call Dreams the insanity of each day's sanity.

                                                                                Charles Dickens, "Night Walks"

As we age we should not over-worry about dementia or insanity stalking us. 
Should either or both catch us, we will find we are more practiced at dealing with them than is apparent at first blush.

 
                                                              







The aged appreciate your visit here at my blog,
thanks,
Riverwatch