Buffering......not Buffeting
"My sister has died. It is the first time I have faced life's challenges without her," Lucretia said as tears ran down her face.
Susan died! Susan who understood everything. Susan who "got it" everytime Lucretia spoke. So close in age they were almost twins. Almost.
Susan. That was where Lucretia planned to go if she ever became homeless.
"Oh, yes. Angie and I are close because of Susan's death. We went through that together. But she is not a buffer. I need Susan. I need that buffer against the world."
"I cannot even imagine a sister who gets it....who loves you..... who cares," I say.
"I know your sister died about the same time as mine," Lucretia says, tears trickling from her eyes. "Don't you miss her?"
"No."
"You don't miss your sister?"
"No and I avoid people who remind me of her. She didn't buffer me. She buffeted me. Always. Well, not always. Once she was there for me. Well, twice. But stack those two times up against all the times she kicked me and punched me and ratted on me and led me astray and she comes off in my mind as a buffeting sister I was close to, but do not miss. I'm sorry. Should I lie about this?"
"I just don't understand."
"Well, it was what it was. Of course I stole her steady boyfriend as a joke just to prove I could, but heck, we were grown up by then. I didn't want him. I dropped him the moment I got him."
Lucretia just looks at me. Uncomprehending, she stares at me.
"Yeh," I admit. "I need mercy, too. But I am glad, truly glad, your family were nice folks."
I really am grateful for Lucrecia's great blessings. Gratitude is my gift.
Forgiving others is something I have to strive for. It is not a strong family trait.
pinterest.comThanks for dropping by,
I am grateful,
Riverwatch
